Rabbi David Schneider’s Weekly Words of Wisdom 13: Tazria

(Leviticus 12-13)

You don’t have to be Joseph from the Bible or Andrew Lloyd Webber to know that dreams can be really weird. The other night, I dreamt I had this huge lulav, and Rabbi F and the honorary officers of the synagogue and the editor of the Jewish Chronicle had these tiny lulavs and my wife’s lover the builder who’s a woman had no lulav at all, just a tiny esrog, and I went round knocking everyone over with my huge, massive lulav, and my wife kneeled down before my lulav and worshipped it. (more…)

Rabbi David Schneider’s Weekly Words of Wisdom 14: Acharei Mos

(Leviticus 16-18)

First of all, I must apologise for last week’s article. I personally don’t feel I need to, but our glorious comrade leader Herr Editor feels I “must”. So I’m very sorry if some of the things I wrote may have been interpreted as offensive and distasteful by certain empty-headed, easily offended, dimwitted morons who like to read the JC while eating and found that reading about a harmless, hideous, leprous-like skin disease which is making my life a living gehenem put them off some extortionately expensive pastry that’s probably full of seafood and sweetened with concentrated pig.

There. A full and frank apology. Happy now?

On then to this week’s parsha, (more…)

Friday Night Armistice episode 1

First there was Saturday Night Armistice, then came Friday Night Armistice – being earlier and funnier by 24 hours. This is the first episode of that series from 1996. There were jokes about Ulster and football and a Tory government (so some of those may well come in useful). There was also a very young Al Murray and Sue Perkins.