Here’s a list of some specific joke spats to go with my Sunday Times article on joke thievery – with the odd youtube link that’s definitely worth watching. I have to thank Twitter for helping me locate a lot of these… Also, there’s one juicy possible joke-theft I haven’t included here. But will blog about that imminently…
Jokes which went round the net as TOMMY COOPER’s, actually by TIM VINE.
“So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said ‘It depends where you’re calling from.'”
“So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me “Can you give me a lift?” I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.'”
Joke first told by JIMMY CARR at the Royal Variety Performance, 2002. Similar joke later used by JIM DAVIDSON on his BBC1 show “On the Road”
Someone came up to me last week and complained about a joke, quite a big-boned girl. She said: ‘I think you’re fattist’. I said: ‘No, I think you’re fattest’.”
American comic DENIS LEARY was constantly accused of ripping off fellow stand-up BILL HICKS. This joke forms part of the evidence.
Bill Hicks: The fact is we live in a world where John Lennon was murdered yet Barry Manilow continues to put out albums.
Denis Leary: We live in a country where John Lennon gets 6 bullets in the chest. Yoko Ono’s standing next to him – not one f**king bullet!
For more on this CLICK HERE.
Joke performed by MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE placed seventh in the TV Channel Dave’s funniest jokes on Edinburgh Fringe (August 09), and joke posted on Twitter in November 09 by popular Tweeter @SHITMYDADSAYS, soon to get his own sitcom.
Brigstocke:”To the people who’ve got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn’t invent it!”
@Shitmydadsays: Son, noone gives a shit about all the things ur cellphone does. You didn’t invent it, you just bought it. Anyone can do that.
Joke by JACK WHITEHALL, placed fifth in the funniest jokes on the Fringe, and joke made by ROBBIE WILLIAMS as part of Radio 1’s Electric Proms in October.
Jack Whitehall: “I’m sure wherever my dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”’
Robbie allegedly said: “I’m sure my aunt’s looking down on me now. She’s not dead, she’s just really condescending.”
Joke written by MARCUS BRIGSTOCKE but attributed on the internet to various computer people including BILL GATES
“If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music”
Joke posted by stand-up GARY DELANEY on Twitter (15th July) then posted on by LILY ALLEN without crediting him (18th July).
“Old MacDonald had Tourettes – E, I, E, I, CUNT”
Joke by comedian JOSIE LONG, submitted as his own to the Adam and Joe Show by a member of the public, JAMES HEWITT
“How much do you have to pay to play sport at Hogwarts? A quid each.”
Joke first performed by comic MICHAEL REDMOND then subsequently by JOE PASQUALE, according to fellow stand-up Stewart Lee (an absolute genius routine: CLICK HERE)
“People are always saying to me…. Get out of my garden!”
Joke posted on Twitter by Ross “Teddy” Craig in September 09, then posted by someone else on Sickipedia.org, October 09.
I’ve just had an all-day breakfast. My gran’s got alzheimers and loves to cook.
Comedy duo The Mighty Boosh accused a Sugar Puffs advert of ripping off their “crimping”, a form of rap. They took revenge by killing a Honey Monster in their live show.
Joke by ARI SCHAFFER, one of the comics American stand-up CARLOS MENCIA has been accused of stealing from. He’s been heckled and even hit by fellow comedians JOE ROGAN. (Great onstage row at L.A. Comedy Store – CLICK HERE)
Ari Schaffer: “Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to build a huge 12 foot wall along the Mexican/ Californian border to keep the Mexicans out. But Arnold, who do you think is going to build that wall?”
Carlos Mencia: “I propose we kick all the illegal aliens out of this country, then we build a superfence so they can’t get back in” – “Erm… Who’s going to build it?”
See also my Bill Hicks vs David Hare post.