Here’s some election highlights I threw down for Shortlist Magazine in a bleary-eyed mess the morning after the election before…
That bloke from “Land Is Power” in the suit and shades doing his strange salute behind Gordon Brown. Judging from his look, I suppose you’d call it a Man-In-Black Power salute. He really should have gone for the bunny-ears though. What was he thinking?!
The Greens winning their first seat. Made me think we should all move to Brighton Pavilion. Obviously not by car.
Conservative Philippa Stroud who allegedly ran prayer sessions to “cure” gay people by driving out their “demons” being driven out of the body politic by the good people of Sutton and Cheam.
The huge queues that meant all those people were disenfranchised and unable to vote. Maybe it was a mistake for the Electoral Commission to put Iran’s President Ahmadinajad in charge of the polling booths. I jest of course. It could still be a big issue though – I’m sure I saw Al Gore in one of the queues.
The fact that the Lib Dem surge was obviously something I dreamt in the shower. Ultimately, fewer people than before agreed with Nick. Ex-Cheeky Girl fiancé Lembit Opik lost his seat – perhaps the campaign slogan “Touch My Bum” wasn’t such a good idea after all.
All the terrible puns on Twitter about “Nick Clegg getting into bed with David Cameron” and a “well hung parliament”.
Nick Griffin failing to win in Barking, polling just 4916 votes. Though I think the actual number he polled was more like 45. Yes, Nick. I’m a voting figure denier. How do you like that?
A Conservative- David Cameron’s pal Joanna Cash – blaming the power of the “North Westminster media” for her defeat in that constituency. I’m sure that’ll make the front pages of the “Pot Calling The Kettle Black Times”. Which, of course, is owned by Rupert Murdoch.
That picture of UKIP leader Nigel Farage in the air crash that actually made me feel sorry for him. Cue jokes about him telling the pilot “You Kip”, though I suspect it was something to do with him trying to impress the floating voter by proving he was one of them – something the laws of aerodynamics just wouldn’t allow. I wonder if there’s any truth in the rumour that he faked the crash so afterwards he could say he has absolutely no memory of his previous nutty policies.