Futureman. Is that a Jewish name?
Here’s a thing I wrote for the Jewish Quarterly.
Future Rabbi?
Congratulate me. I’ve just written a whole sheet of A4 by pen. After years of computercentricity it felt weird, foreign, as unwelcome a throwback to the 1980s as news that The Tweets have reformed so we can hear the “Birdie Song” live again (ah, “The Tweets”. Now there’s a name that finally has meaning in this social network age). As I heaved the pen clumsily across the paper, sweat pouring from my brow, Repetitive Strain Injury gathering in my freaked-out forearm, I felt like a man trying to plough a field with a… well, with a pen. (more…)
What happens in Vegas…
Me in Vegas
Here’s a thing I wrote for The Independent
I’m not a gambling man. My poker face is about as enigmatic as a Latin American football commentator celebrating a goal, and as for slot machines, I’m with British Gas – if I want to lose a ton of money just by pushing a button I can switch on a light. Still, there’s always been part of me – the part that’s presently enjoying box-sets of the “Sopranos” – that’s envied men who play poker in smoke-filled rooms, real men with big hands who talk about boxing. Maybe I’ve been missing out? So when I was offered the chance to visit Las Vegas for the first time, I jumped at it. Could this be the making of me? (more…)
Jokes bomb
Do Islam4UK have a catch Phones4U hand mime?
This week I tweeted a couple of jokes about the extremist group Islam4UK. Did Islam4UK have a little hand gesture routine like their sister company Phones4U? And how glad I was the government had ignored the suggestion to rename them Islam 4 – UK 5. (more…)
5 Terms in English Slang Everyone Should Know
Here’s a thing I did with Canadian internet genius TremendousNews (not his real name). (more…)
The Bitterish Comedy Awards
The funniest man in Britain. And Harry Hill. (How dare I even make that joke?)
I was at the British Comedy Awards on Saturday night. Compared to other years, it was pretty mild (I was there when Julian Clary joked that he’d been fisting the chancellor Norman Lamont, a joke which led to his career being awarded to Paul O’Grady). The only real surprise was that Ryan Giggs didn’t win anything. (more…)
