Futureman. Is that a Jewish name?

Here’s a thing I wrote for the Jewish Quarterly.

Congratulate me. I’ve just written a whole sheet of A4 by pen. After years of computercentricity it felt weird, foreign, as unwelcome a throwback to the 1980s as news that The Tweets have reformed so we can hear the “Birdie Song” live again (ah, “The Tweets”. Now there’s a name that finally has meaning in this social network age). As I heaved the pen clumsily across the paper, sweat pouring from my brow, Repetitive Strain Injury gathering in my freaked-out forearm, I felt like a man trying to plough a field with a… well, with a pen. (more…)

Jew travels to Germany shock

Here’s a thing I wrote about 10 years ago after my first trip to Deutschland…

I have recently returned from making a film in Germany. It was a significant event for me, not just because the script was wonderful, my fellow actors were marvellous and all those other well-known Paltrowisms. It was significant because the film was shot in Germany and I am – well, there’s no other way to say it – I’m Jewish. A Jew. Ein Jude. (more…)

The unkindest cut of all

I have a Jewish friend who’s so assimilated he’s joined a church and even had himself  baptized. This might be to do with getting his daughters into the local church school (I’m sure St Paul only converted because there was an excellent C of E primary just off the road to Damascus), but you have to admire his commitment. Nevertheless, when his first son came along, even this hardcore convert to school-league-table Christianity had him circumcised. (more…)

Rabbi David Schneider’s Weekly Words of Wisdom (with Rabbi David Schneider)

Welcome to my Weekly Words of Wisdom (With Rabbi David Schneider). These weekly commentaries on the Torah portion of the week were originally published in The Jewish Chronicle (may its name be blotted out)  as a thorough if not the thoroughest commentary on our annual Torah cycle since Rashi nearly 1000 years ago or the film The Ten Commandments. Unfortunately, because of events beyond my control that I can’t go into for legal reasons but look up “ex-wife” “Rabbi Schneider” and “philandering harlot of sinfulness” on Google, I was unable to finish them.

Still here’s half a year’s worth. Definitely best if you read them in order. Hope they edify and educate you as much as I know they will if you’ve got half a brain cell.

Yours,

Rabbi David Schneider

(Jewish chaplain to the Somali pirate fleet).

Check out Rabbi David Schneider’s Weekly Words of Wisdom (With Rabbi David Schneider) here.

Rabbi David Schneider’s Weekly Words of Wisdom 1: Bo

(Exodus 10:1 – 13:6)

What a wonderful parsha to begin these Weekly Words of Wisdom (With Rabbi David Schneider) – the parsha that tells of the last three plagues and the going out from Egypt. A new beginning for the children of Israel and, more importantly, a new beginning for the features page of the Jewish Chronicle. (more…)