Fatty Batter: How Cricket Saved My Life (Then Ruined It)
Is there any sport which divides people as much as cricket? There are those who don’t understand it and don’t care; then there are those who do understand it and still don’t care; and then there are those who see the whole of life through leather-on-willow coloured spectacles. Cricket is not just a game, it’s the Ultimate Metaphor. A friend of mine told me the problem with the Middle East peace process is that everyone’s bowling left arm over the wicket. So that’s that sorted then. He recently got divorced, or, as he put it, he recently “declared on 17 for 2”. That’s 17 years and two children. It’s a miracle his wife has never gave him a taste of his own medicine and hit him for 6 (months in intensive care). (more…)
Welcome to my Weekly Words of Wisdom (With Rabbi David Schneider). These weekly commentaries on the Torah portion of the week were originally published in The Jewish Chronicle (may its name be blotted out) as a thorough if not the thoroughest commentary on our annual Torah cycle since Rashi nearly 1000 years ago or the film The Ten Commandments. Unfortunately, because of events beyond my control that I can’t go into for legal reasons but look up “ex-wife” “Rabbi Schneider” and “philandering harlot of sinfulness” on Google, I was unable to finish them.
Still here’s half a year’s worth. Definitely best if you read them in order. Hope they edify and educate you as much as I know they will if you’ve got half a brain cell.
Rabbi David Schneider
(Jewish chaplain to the Somali pirate fleet).
“Dear Diary. Today I met Wonder Woman as I flew over the mile-high Scrabble board. We hoverported under the sea where we had a snowball fight, then went to a night-club where a 6-foot cat dressed as Kylie Minogue gave me a lapdance.”
At this point, any sensible diary would be backing nervously towards the door. Unless its author happened to be one of the six million people signed up to the imaginary on-line world “Second Life”.
For those who don’t know, “Second Life” is a bit like the real thing, only slightly stupider. (more…)
What a wonderful parsha to begin these Weekly Words of Wisdom (With Rabbi David Schneider) – the parsha that tells of the last three plagues and the going out from Egypt. A new beginning for the children of Israel and, more importantly, a new beginning for the features page of the Jewish Chronicle. (more…)