Top 5 Yiddish kvetches

No idea what was happening here but it must have involved an insect. Or an antisemite.

No idea what was happening here but it must have involved an insect. Or an antisemite.

I’ve always been fascinated by Yiddish. Though it wasn’t my mame-loshn (“mother tongue” — the name Yiddish speakers give to Yiddish), it was my Mama’s loshn. As a kid she used to do things like stand over me when I was eating and say: “Shlof gikher, ikh badarf dos kishn” (“Sleep quicker, I need the pillow”). (more…)

Rabbi David Schneider’s Weekly Words of Wisdom 2: Beshalach

(Exodus 13:17-17:16)

moses_parting_the_red_seaI want to start this week’s Weekly Words of Wisdom (With Rabbi David Schneider) by thanking everyone for the wonderful letters of praise for the column which I received last week. Obviously I can’t reply to both of them personally and Mother, when I’m ready to get back in touch with you I will, but thank you anyway. (more…)

Rabbi David Schneider’s Weekly Words of Wisdom 3: Yisro

(Exodus 18-20)

yisroFirst of all, an apology. In last week’s Weekly Words of Wisdom (with Rabbi David Schneider), there was a quite literally cataclysmic error which anyone who knows me or who has ever listened spellbound to one of my sermons would know I would never commit: the word “G-d” was written without a dash. The editor has sworn it wasn’t his typesetters and I’m too good a man to call him a liar, which he obviously is, but I’d just like to remind him that G-d (note the dash) knows all, and even if He didn’t who is He more likely to believe: me or an unshaven, yarmulke-free “cultural” Jew who probably thinks naches is a dish you order in a Mexican restaurant, probably with pork? The answer is me. (more…)

Naked

davebodybuilderImagine being told you can have that job you’ve always wanted, but on one condition: you have to go naked. Unlikely to happen if you’re, say, a dentist, or even one of Sir Alan’s hopefuls in “The Apprentice” (unless the viewing figures drop drastically), but as an actor, that’s more or less what I’ve just been told. (more…)

Rabbi David Schneider’s Weekly Words of Wisdom 4: Mishpatim

mishpatim(Exodus 21-24)

First of all, an apology. I want to make it clear that in last week’s column when I said that the editor was a bare-faced liar I in no way meant he was a bare-faced liar. He’s not. He’s a very wise and judicious young man, the King Solomon of weekly Anglo-Jewish publications, who I’m sure will remember what the sages said: that one good word is worth a thousand poisonous ones. What are a thousand letters of complaints, a handful of libel actions and a threatened boycott by most if not all sections of the Jewish community compared to one letter of approval when that letter comes from no less a figure than Nelson Mandela? (more…)

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